Before a New Chapter Can Begin...

...you must end the one before it. Although leaving a chapter of your life behind is a difficult thing to do, the pain reminds you that you're still alive. The first step in this new venture of mine must be to end things that aren't helping me in my journey towards happiness. It's hard for me to accept that things may be over, but it's something that is necessary for me to say I am doing what I want to do. While there are things in my past that I can say I probably shouldn't have done, I would never regret doing them because they made me who I am today. My lovely sister gave me some strong words of wisdom: Everyone you've met and will meet will teach you something. While some may hurt you, they were put in your life for a reason and taught you a lesson. I believe this wholeheartedly. I wouldn't be the person I am today without this man who shared the past two years with me. He taught me more about myself than I thought imaginable. It's hard for me to think of myself separate from him, but you know when it's time to do so and that time is now. I am happy to surround myself with those who want to be with me and am trying to learn how to let those go who don't. Who knows what will happen in the next two years, but right now I think we can both say that the timing just wasn't right. This may be the hardest step in my "attempt at living," but it is a necessary one, I believe. My crutch is gone and now is my time to learn how to truly be independent.

Wish my luck.

Here We Go

Every day I wake up with the same thought running through my mind: What do I have to do today? I'm positive I'm not the only one thinking this, and I'm sure I'm also not the only one thinking Same as yesterday. For the past few years I've been spending my time trying to find out who I am and in the midst have lost myself yet again as I try to mesh into other peoples lives. With all of my changes, I've lost many friends I thought would love me for whoever I wanted to be and have gained many more who have showed me more of myself than I've ever seen. Unfortunately, I haven't found a way to live my own life when I'm just now realizing who I really am. I've spent these past years with my own well being on the back burner as well, hoping to make everyone else around me as happy as possible. Just recently I've decided that I need to be a bit selfish for a while. I need to start living. You wake up and plan your day as if it's something new while really it is the same thing as yesterday and the day before. Wake up, shower, change, work, sleep. Sometimes work is exchanged for school or they both occupy the day and sometimes a few drinks with friends is thrown in at the end of the day, but really, who are we kidding. This isn't living. There is a big difference between living your life and just being alive and I've taken it upon myself to start making something interesting happen in this life of mine. If you were to die tomorrow, would you be completely happy in everything you've done? Is there anything missing? I want to have a great love story, which I sometimes believe has started and not been completed. I want to travel the world and see the beauty of nature and be independent. I need to throw myself out of my comfort zone, meet new people and start considering what I really want my life to be. So, here we go.


Let the living begin.